Final Resting Place

So, the question I've been asked the most since we bought this house in Mather is......

Are you going to stay there?

We have moved quite a few time since we left Long Island so many years ago, this present house is the longest stretch so far - a little over 6 years. In that time we have lost 4 cats and 1 dog.We've gained another cat and another dog. I've changed jobs three times including the year long stint as a visit nurse to satisfy my noncompete clause. David has renovated about 7 houses or more- we always forget one. My older son has left the navy, moved home and then out again, moved, and moved again. My younger son has been deployed, returned, married, has two daughters and currently parks his shoes all the way across the country. I entered my50s.

We've made friends and lost friends, I've knitted countless items. I got a car. Time just keeps rolling and rolling, doesn't it? We're currently packing and sorting, the potential buyers asked if they could show the house to their parents on Sunday night so we had to vamoose for a couple of hours. We hung out in the Mather house, David has penned in the back yard so the Terrible Two were out exploring the yard, I sat on the backporch on the cement steps and read the end of my book. The deer came up to the pen and started snorting and stomping in challenge to Boobins. Apparently ownership of the crabapples trees is being established (they're right outside of the ence line)and it not Boobins job to own them.Rueben gave them What For right back by pointing at them ALOT and giving them his best hairy eyeball. Right now the house does not seem real, the walls are torn out, the kitchen cabinets are piled in the middle of the floor, it's hot and sweaty and damp. But I look at the picture that was left of the house and her owner - it will be that soon. With updates and our touches of course, but it is already coming alive and the neighborhood is waiting 

So, will this be our final resting place? I think so - but I thought that about this place. In the end it doesn't matter - because it will be restored. Just like all the other homes we've touched. Neighborhoods love to see David coming because that eyesore on the corner, that dilapidated house that's fallen into disgrace - it comes back. The house we sold recently that had been neglected and falling apart is now a home to someone. And when people buy our houses they get excited, you can see when they look they don't see a renovated house, they see thier home. They walk through and see a couch, curtains, cooking dinner with the patio doors wide open. So in answer to your question - maybe we will stay - or maybe not. But it doesn't matter because if we don't, someone else will get to come home - and we will get to come home again too. 

Go.

So, we have started packing - who saw that coming? Not me, not by a long shot. And some days I actually think about it and think I'm a little crazy. I'll be moving out of my two story, air conditioned landscaped home to.... a gutted disaster with a fan and waist high weeds. There's water in the basement and deer in the barn, scary wiring and hornet nests. And yet - I'm excited. There are a lot of issues of course, we'll need french drains and the kitchen is not going in as smoothly as David had hoped, but this house has so many possibilities. Going there is exploration at best, I have not gotten through the horse pen yet, but I have made it to the back of property. David has already gotten the kitchen Sheetrock and the addition started, we should be glamping by July

I had worked last weekend so I took Friday off - David was at the house so I started sorting and packing. As I've said in the past if you know you're moving and you have time to sort through things that's both good and bad. Good because you can get rid of things you don't use, bad because you can get so overwhelmed you just start getting rid of things that your really shouldn't, I have a lot of knitting books and yarn that I've collected over the years so I had gone through it once, then again and it's actually down to sort of reasonable.  Since we still have at least a month here I'm trying to get carried away, I packed half the kitchen. The other thing is we can start moving things over there and bringing back the bins to reuse. David already has the dog pen up and both Molly and Reuben have been to the new digs. Bob will have to stay in for at least a month or so til she's acclimated to her new home, but I don't see an issue. She's been very clingy with Vincent gone lately - it's so sad. I can see she's upset and looking for him a bit - it will take time because I catch myself looking for him too.

I don't know if we'll get another cat or not - but usually what happens is one eventually shows up so I'll just let the fates decide. We are slowing down buying things for the new house, we are in a holding pattern at this point as we have more money out than in, but hopefully in 7 weeks that will change. The buyers are coming to the house tomorrow early evening to show it to their parents with Thieu agent so we  will have to vamoose for an hour or so. But we have the dog pen up and the water turned on so it won't be that bad. Hopefully this doesn't get too interesting!!

An Accidental Experiment

A few weeks ago on a holiday weekend, we lost our internet on Friday, after 5 of course. We did what everyone does - shut it off, unplug, reset, reboot, shut it off again, again again. Nothing. Most frustrating was it would say connected, but no internet - that didn't even make sense!! We called and sat through a bit of Musak and of course the tech person wanted us to shut it off, unplug, reboot... they checked it from their end - nothing. So then they did the unthinkable and scheduled us for a service visit- for Wednesday. Of next week. Five days and no amount of cajoling and whining changed that. That we are good customers that pay our bill on time, we had never had a service call - even pulling out the pediatric nurse that NEEDS internet card did nothing. 

I could still do a little facebook and check my email from my phone, but after having an 18 inch tablet to dork around on, my wee little phone screen sucked. The thing is, even 5 or 6 years ago I would have been annoyed, but not SOL. Because things have changed. Alexa would no longer talk to me and sat silent on my dresser. No news brief, no weather report, No Rock Lobsters or Love Shacks to get dressed to in the morning. Her little pal Dot down in the kitchen just sat like a lump and was no fun. I could still watch TV - but satellite, no Netflix or Hulu. The Great British Baking Show was dead to me, no Archer, no movies that I like. The internet on my phone was even a bit sketchy, coming and going as it pleased like a morose teenager. Isn't it weird how we don't notice how much our day relies on it til it's gone? I could still knit of course watching Stinky Ass TV and read - but I hadn't downloaded my new books yet so they remained drifting in the morass while I sifted through what I did have and did find a few things to read. We did find other things to do, watched The Classic Movie Channel in the morning instead of surfing, read in the evening, used the music channels on our Dish TV. But it not as much fun, it was more work and it was sort of boring. 

The service person showed up a day early which would have been super had we known they were going to be here a day early - no one was home of course.But he did leave a filter and instructions on how to hook it up and Eureka!! We were back on the grid, Alexa and Dot started singing Take On Me and playing Lie Swatter.David was back to looking at the market place on Facebook (his new obsession and yes, we have already gotten stuff from it, that's where the six foot windows in our new sun room came from) and I quickie downloaded my new books just in case. We did not learn anything from this adventure, it did not open our eyes- just sort of annoyed everyone. We are internet people, no shame in that. We do know how to get along without it, but I also know how to get along without coffee. I CAN,but who wants to?

A Life Well Lived

We had to put our Vincent to sleep today. A couple of days ago we came home to find him staggering a little, looking down and distressed. He was eating, so we put him to bed with us hoping he would get past it. The next day he went out, but hid under the deck and would not come out. He slept with us again, but did not move during the night. Today David took him to the vet and it was not fixable - he stayed with him and held him - Vincent passed peacefully with someone that loved him holding him - what more can you ask?

I'm sad, but because I miss him, not because of our decision. Vincent arrived on our front door step almost 15 years ago, about 2 or 3years old,starving and abandoned - his wounds were terrible. We had a wonderful, old school vet who worked on him after we agreed he would have a home with us and only charged us $64. Vincent spent the next few weeks recovering on our couch, so weak and in pain we carried him until he regained his strength. I would carry him in the laundry basket while I did stuff in the house with him peeping over the edge at everything around him. When he got well enough to climb the stairs he would come up in the middle of the night makng a lot of noise and drama and would park himself right between us, purring like a steam engine and marching around until he got yelled at and stuffed under the covers. He was Jackson's cat, how he loved him. Everywhere Jackson went so did Vincent, he would park himself everytime Jackson did. It took a long time for him to get used to Jackson being gone after his boy joined the Navy - but he did. He moved from house to house with us, he never strayed, was always home at night for dinner. From the day we picked him up off our porch he never suffered again, he was always fed, loved like he deserved, his life was sunshine and cat treats. When he took a turn for the worse the other night, we had him between us and it reminded me so much of when we first got him and he was finally recovered - the cold winter stars outside and Vincent happily purring, snuggled deep in the covers - just so glad to be there, it remains one of my favorite and fondest memories. And then I thought the other night - here we are again, Vincent between us. But he was not snuggling or purring, he was tucked up and leaving me. But as sad as that makes me - it's ok.  I am so glad we found him before it was too late  - I hope tonight he is with my Pearl, eating whatever he wants and running the Elysian fields til I get there. I miss you friend. 

Shuffling Shuffling

So for Mother's day this year I got to do laundry and clean out the basement. Adam did call and I got a nice gift from Brandi and Jackson, but other than that it's a bit ho-hum around here. According to David I'm not his mother and that's that. Oh well. So - we are (hoping) to get started on shuffling all the real estate around soon. We are still wanting  to close earlier but so far no amount of wailing and emailing has moved the date. The buyer for our flip is ready and so are we! but you know how lawyers go. I asked David if he thought she could be bought by a pair of handmade socks but he didn't think so - so we wait.

The game plan is as soon as we close we can start ferrying the small stuff over to declutter the house - not that it's that cluttered mind you but books need to be off the shelves, pictures down, counters cleared. It needs to look like someone can live there - not lived in. I have half of my knitting stuff boxed up, after that goes the other half will follow. Today I did the root cellar in the basement where we put a lot of our  attic-y things, Jackson and Adam still have stuff here. But Jackson is clear across the country and in the Navy, Adam is apartment living in New Orleans. I did weed it down (the real junky junk went) the rest we will slog over to the new house for now. All told it's about 10 small to medium boxes so it's fine. I have to say it's so much easier when we do it a little at a time as opposed when we've had to pack up all at once

When you do that you start off really good - sorting, carefully wrapping and packing, labeling each box clearly. Halfway through - it's every man for himself. You just start flinging stuff in a box and taping it shut like your latest murder victim is in there - you arrive at your destination with a pile of boxes marked "CRAP" in big psychotically angry letters. You can't find any household stuff - the mops, the shower curtains, the cleaning supplies are all gone. Then you remember you threw them all out because you can buy them when you get there - which is how you end up exhaustively flinging stuff in a cart at Walmarts and the bill tallies up to What! because you didn't realize how much it would cost to replace it. Yeah - not my first rodeo. So we are trying to do a bit a couple of times a week and offloading the things we are really not keeping - my dresser with the drawers that fall out , the lamp that doesn't work but we keep hoping the Magical Thinking will work and fix it, on and on. But all I can think is - it will be nice to be done.

Not My President

Years ago in my junior year of high school I was stalked for a brief period of time - he just started following me everywhere - I could not make him stop. I did tell the school and was told they could do nothing - because he hadn't actually "done" anything -  but I should come back if he did. I say it was brief because I used to walk home for lunch and one day my mother came home early and saw him. When I told her why he was lurking outside she went out and gave him an earful - and it ended that day. Because in my mother's opinion waiting for him to do something was not a good option. And so it is with Trump.

The other day someone asked me what he had done - had my rights been violated? Had I been denied property? Even abortion is still in place. But like my stalker  he's not doing a full on attack - that would get him impeached or someone would wing him - not smart. Instead, he and his posse are nipping like  pirhanas at the edges til they bring us down. He didn't ban abortion - but they are defunding Planned Parenthood and any other abortion providers. Despite the fact that NO government funding goes to this - it is a travesty as abortion is such a small but important part of their services. He has made it ok to berate and belittle women by his actions - did you see the inauguration pictures where his wife walked behind him with her head down? The horrible things he has said about women - and still does?

He has made the religious faction more brave, the southern states have been trying to pass anti - gay laws. And no most of them are not effective, but you know what? You throw enough shit at a wall some it is bound to stick. The trump supporters turn a blind eye to his activities with Russia, his employing family members, that he is still running his businesses - it's jaw dropping. So no, he has not actually "done" too much yet - but it's not for lack of trying - and do we really want to wait until he does?

Go With Your Gut

Last week  I had one of those situations where I had to make a decision on which way to act. Do I do nothing and wait? Or do I act? I'm not going to talk about what the situation was but there was a point that I was .....uncomfortable. I kept coming back to it, do I go with what I'm being told , or what I feel? I went with what I felt, there's a reason they call it a "gut feeling" - because you really DO feel it there - don't you? It's like a lump just sitting there and if you ignore it, it moves to your chest.The longer you ignore it the harder it gets, your chest gets tight, heart rate is up , anxious anxious anxious. Some theory states that your gut feelings are actually based on layers of past experience, that somewhere you retained that distant memory and when a similar situation comes up that is what gives you that odd sort of anxiety. I have to say, I don't like it

Did you ever notice when your in that situation you tend to second guess yourself? I get so afraid of that I'm wrong I initially don't  want to say anything - who wants to look like an idiot? I think as a nurse I probably deal with this more than the average person, when I first started there was more than one restless 8 hours in which I ran it over and  over in my head - should I have said something? Did I do the right thing? By morning (or actually evening since I worked the night shift) I would have myself in jail, all of my property divided up by the lawyers that unsucessfully represented me, my children hanging thier heads in deep shame for even knowing me. The patient of course would always be dead, no halfway measures for me! I'd go to work with my stomach in a knot and then........well, nothing 99.5% of the time.  The other Once In A While tended to be no big deal. So you would think I keep my mouth shut - nope.

Because over time I've realized it's better to feel like an idiot for waving that red flag. I can recover from idiocy and usually do on a weekly basis. :)

I can apologize for over-reacting, for being wrong, for hopping on that runaway train and taking other people with me. My gut does not sing that often, but I listen to it - and I've found there is a difference between winding myself up and when something is truly wrong. When I'm just messing with me it tends to be quiet hysteria, when it's the real deal there are bells going off in my head, I cannot leave it alone. I will keep going back, different angles until I feel like I've fixed it. And I'm glad I can do that - but thank goodness it does not happen that often!