Today

It's been awhile, hasn't it? A lot of changes. For those of you that are friends of mine on Facebook you know that we have (unexpectedly) adopted a new kitten. David heard it in the garage and we finally located a tiny,  terrifed little tabby. We were able to eventually coax it out, we had thought he was feral but I think he was just scared. He looked to be about 5 or 6 weeks - and a dump.It's hard not to feel bad, he was crying so hard, it was so sad. We kept putting food and water out for him, then brought him some old blankets to sit in. I moved one of Vincent's old litter pans in and he figured that out quick. Over the past weeks we've moved him from the garage to the basement and now upstairs. Molly is back to her cat staring ways but is getting better, Vincent hates him but will get over him. I need not remind him that no one was thrilled about his appearance so many years ago. Since Adam has been working nights Scouts spends the daylight hours in the basement with him, then is brought up if someone is around. He's still too tiny to let run and Molly is not entirely trustworthy. At night it's back to the basement but there's cat toys, a couch and blanket, food, and it's clean so it's not a bad place to be. Adam is currently in Ohio, he's planning on moving out soon if all goes well, he wants to move there as he has friends that live there now. It's nice to live somewhere you know at least one or two people We're hoping by the time he  goes Scout will be past the edible stage and we can start letting him out. Work has been busy, I've had to fill in a few shifts out in the field but it's a change of scenery so I don't mind. Kids are hilarious, I was filling in for one of our aide cases and the kid asked me if I was an aide. I said no and the kid looked at me and said "oh, you WORK for the aides" - this same party also suggested a makeover as "you would look better". It was a fun afternoon, I love children and their honesty, it does make me laugh. I have Monday off, we are not doing too much which is fine with me. I had considered it briefly but I work and travel so much staying home feels like a vacation! Today we went and checked on the houses, one might be sold!!, then just dawdled back home. We did the grocery shopping, went to the bookstore, a little here, a little there. In the coming weeks I'm planning on hiking the state parks, this weekend it's just too hot. We took the dogs to the park last week and then were panting like crazy so we didn't stay too long. It's the humidity I think, we run the dehumidifier during the summer and I dump the bucket on a daily basis. Not much else going on, it's the end of summer dodrums I suppose.

Back In Time.

This week someone I've known since I was four passed away - it's bittersweet, isn't it? Even though I haven't physically seen him in years I thought of him quite often, his children - my friends have let me know how he was and have passed on my hellos, my Christmas cards full of how the boys were doing. As he passed we were all reliving the past  - Fabian was a bit....unusual. We laugh remembering the Do It Yourself Sailboat in which we were enlisted to assist, all six of us. Kate, Mark, Jeanne, Janet, Henry and me. One afternoon he had us bracing sheets of paneling on interior with epoxy in 90 degree heat, curved and bending to the walls. The idea that the glue would hold after about half and hour (day) and we could go on our merry way. This was before fumes were bad for you by the way. We let go slowly - it stayed and  as we swarmed down the ladder to the ground you could hear the paneling popping off the walls, I do believe we all headed for the woods....He paid us to correct multiple choice tests for his law students - we sat at folding tables with the answer grids, I often wondered as an adult what those students would have thought if they knew their tests being handed back on Monday had been reviewed by a group of elementary kids? When I went to visit them one summer in Brooklyn he took us all to a  high end fund raiser for the Governor one night because he thought it would be good for me to see, so he showed up with four bouncy children - we had ice cream in Little Italy at midnight after - he had his faults but they were shadowed by his sheer velocity - we can all tell stories about Fabian for hours,  I wish I had taken more time to appreciate those days, my brother mentioned the time he took us to the drive in( and keep in mind we all traveled together so if an adult went there were six children) where if you made it through the night of B horror movies you got free donuts. And we would have gotten the doughnuts if he hadn't woken up and realized what time it was. It's funny but all week I've been thinking of the times I would go back to if I had the chance. I would go back to the summer days in Brooklyn hanging out the window with a stick trying to whack the cherries off the only tree in that tiny back yard. Or Mark putting a sardine on a cookie to see if that would make me like them better. Sleeping outside in that giant patio he built that no one every ate in , but we slept in it all summer. My entire childhood into young adulthood is tangled in Palominos - we were all close in age. We lost touch a bit as everyone grew up, apart, but never completely. As I get older I start to lose people., some of my classmates, friends, grandparents pass on. I am more aware this year of the passage of time, when I think to where I would have liked my life to stay - The long hot days when we talked all night between the houses, discussing what we were going to do tomorrow until our parent's or theirs told us (again) to go to sleep. Or the year Kim, Liz, Richard and I became best friends, we lived at each other's houses.  I guess the years the boys were old enough to cart around and young enough to enjoy it. Those endless summers of the beach at the end of the road, Mel was alive, Adam and Jackson had their posse to play with all day. Setsu, Mikio and Ray were well. We had enough money - things were looking up. Jackson's senior year when we lived in Maidsville, Pearl was healthy, the hunting was good, I thought I had everything. So many shining moments.So many wonderful, happy memories.  And yet so many more to come.

One Step Forward Two Steps Back.

This week has been a constant barrage of stuff. Nothing earth shattering, but it seems like all week it's been a struggle. Wednesday was my eye appointment with Dr. Fenghali, the glaucoma specialist that I've been seeing for about 3 years or so now. I had the laser surgery on both eyes about 2 years ago to keep it from getting worse. Since I started I have not missed an appointment, your sight is not something you want to fool around with.My appointment was first thing in the morning and I took a sick day from work. By the time my eyes recover from all the drops they use the day is shot. I also decided to drop my car off at the mechanic's as it needed an oil change, inspection and back brakes. I met David at the Subaru place Tuesday night and we left my car so they would have all day, then Wednesday headed over to Morgantown to my appointment. It takes about an hour or so, but in the end it was good news - pressure is down in both eyes and my vision has actually improved, I hadn't realized my new eyeglasses have a much lower prescription than the old ones. On the way downstairs David couldn't find his keys - they weren't  lost we discovered but they were conveniently locked in the van. Along with the spare key- and the sunglasses. Sigh. David does not have a smart phone and will not use mine so I was standing in the corner trying to see mine blinking and squinting. The first locksmith  I called was located in Union town but he gave me the name of a local one. I called and not only were they only five miles away, since they had just opened the guy was available right now. We were back on the road in about 20 minutes so it was not a huge deal. We did the grocery shopping and while we were out called the mechanic who told us we could pick the car up around two which was great. We could finish our shopping and then go the the car. We got there on the dot and were apologized to, they didn't have the right brake pads and had to go get them so we needed to come back at five. Which  was annoying. I had Weight Watchers on Thursday I lost a couple more pounds but I have to say it's a struggle every day now. I'm trying hard not to get into that not eating at all mode or eating a lot less because the problem is you can only do that for so long - and when you fall off the wagon it gets worse each time doesnt' it? The first time around I had to lose twenty pounds, the second time it was thirty five, now I'm looking at over forty. And each time it gets a little harder. It's not just vanity that drives me, it's the big picture. I'm healthy right now, but we have a family history of heart disease , cancer arthritis, diabetes, all the things that are very much affected by weight. Given the current economy and our finances  I'll probably be working into my 70's - I no longer worry about enjoying my retirement I worry if I'll actually get one . And if I can't retire til then I would like to enjoy a couple years of it. Don't get me wrong, I enjoy my job right now immensely but I am not looking forward to being that pathetic 75 year old pretending I love working so much I can't stop. Arrgh. Enough of THAT. I have been working out in the mornings and am hoping we have a nice fall this year so I can take Molly really hiking - she loves the woods and the parks so much I know she'll get a kick out of it.

The Past Week.

What an interesting week. My boss did indeed ask to see me in his office - to tell me what a great job I'm doing, that I've taken over the job much faster than he thought possible and I'm an asset to the team. That blew me away - how many jobs do you have that the only time you ever get feedback is when they need to tell you something negative? So yes, I admit it, that made me feel really good. I've also rejoined Weight Watchers, my weight is completely out of control which I"m sure most people who have seen me in the past year are aware of. I don't know if it was all the stress from past jobs, menopause, or what have you but I'm closing in on 200 and that is the last place I want to be. I have tried dieting, exercising, etc... nothing works. But when I was in Weight Watchers a few years ago that did work for me. The issue of course is my job - if I go to a meeting near my office I won't get home til after nine, if I try for the one near my house I'll never make it in time. But with a little scoping around I found a meeting that is exactly halfway between work and home - so I can make it there in plenty of time and not be home too late. They've changed the program and I'm glad I rejoined. It still drives me crazy that I need something to regulate my diet and behavior, but right now I'm open to suggestions. The other thing that happened  is we developed a leak in our main line - oh how that sucked. David and Adam started digging a trench near the driveway and back towards the house - the next late afternoon I was downstairs doing laundry and noticed the wall seemed to have stains on it. I turned on the light in the corner and it was stains - water stains. The bad news of course is the leak was at the opposite end of the trench they had started - of course! - the good news is David fixed the leak and they didn't have to dig anymore . Our neighbor next door that is obsessed with the ditch in front of the house noticed of course. I have talked about this in the past - he is convinced the water in the ditch is from our septic system. Never mind that it's a small amount, that it just rained and frogs live in it, he is still sure that our septic system is leaking uphill. Sigh. We call him Mrs. Kravitz because that is exactly who he reminds me of. So, he saw David digging the trench and slowed down, drove his motorcycle to right in front of the ditch and peered into the ditch meaningfully. He didn't ask Adam or David what the problem is because he and his significant other have not spoken to us for over a year because of the aforementioned ditch. Actually, we're not even entirely sure what the problem is but I think he feels we did not do enough. We had it scoped, did a dye test and David finally cemented it off in an attempt to unbunch Mrs. Kravitz's underpants to no avail, he continues to be afflicted with twisted knickers. David got pretty upset and told me he was going to  buy a donkey with explosive diarrhea to tie next to the fence but I nixed that. I am encouraging buying sheep because apparently their poo smells. I don't care! I"m all That's Right, Teach Mrs. Kravitz A Lesson Buy Sheep! It can get quite tiresome as their behavior borders on bizarre, I've seen him sneak over when he thinks no one is looking to peek in it(one time it was him, his wife and the grandchidren all peeking in the ditch), he comes away disappointed but continues. I just wave when I see him - life is too short to waste on such petty nonsense.

Barefoot and Pregnant.

I usually don't address topics on my blog, but the recent issues over birth control have me a bit rattled. In high school - many years ago for me, we had a wonderful teacher Mrs. Brisel. They were not allowed to teach birth control in class, but she would announce during health class you could see her after school. She probably single handed prevented more teen pregnancies than anyone I know. She would tell you what was available and where to go, and would give you the number and address of  the free clinic in Riverhead - she was non judgemental, she only cared about YOU. I will be forever grateful for her advice and information. About that time we had Roe VS. Wade, laws were passed and birth control became available for everyone, insurance covered it too. And now, the executives from Hobby Lobby are opening the doors to the 17th century. It opens the gates for other companies to follow suit,drop kicking women back to the dark ages I've had people tell me that women should pay for their own birth control - why? If people smoke or drink should they pay for their own cancer? If they drive a car should they pay for any injuries they incur? And if the insurance will pay for you to have a baby, why not pay for you not to?And like the executives from that chain, a great deal of those against birth control are religious people and men. I love the "God Said" approach - REALLY? I don't think so and even if you can squeeze that one out of your religious text let me remind you they also stoned people, fed them to the lions and hung them from crosses - you could also go around counter eye poking -if those things don't apply now, why should the restrictions on pro-creation still be here?.. You can't just go around picking and choosing what God Said and what you choose to follow.  And that is THEIR beliefs - if I work for a Muslim should they be able to dictate I wear a burka? If your boss is a Buddhist should you put the ham sandwich down? Times have changed drastically changed since the dawn of religion. You cannot have 8 or 9 children and hope to support them if you don't live on a farm and produce your own stuff - and you're successful at it.. Women WORK for the same reason men do, we have to  - I mean honestly, what guy has the means these days to support umpteen kids on one salary? And  survival wise, you don't need that many anyhow, one of the things that has very much improved is our health care, especially in pediatrics. I love old graveyards but the next time you're  in one take a close look at the stones, you'll see multiple children from one family.I was in one recently from the 1800's and there were five little graves from one family.Very few children survived childhood in those days - that  particular family got hit six times total (one was a double headstone). If you really want to reduce unwanted pregnancies and abortions, pass laws that EVERY man must be 100% responsible for any offspring he produces and be willing to  take them full time at the mother's discretion. And before you holler Foul keep in mind that's how it is for women now, isn't it? If the father refuses to pay child support or makes the choice not to have anything to do with that kid, you can chase him around legally but the bottom line is there are a large number of men that do not pay or see their children and there are plenty of women struggling with that. When the baby comes unless a woman is willing to give the child up for adoption and never see it again, she does not have that option to drop out of financial and parental responsibility and be able to just show up years later when she feels like it.Let's face it, birth control has done far more for women than limit the amount of children she has - it's given us educational and financial freedom, the right to live our lives the way WE decide, not the Moron Squad from Hobby Lobby or any other institution.  I had a patient years ago, an elderly woman who asked me how many children I had  - I said two and asked her. She said seven. I told her I was so impressed!, I could not imagine being able to handle that many kids. She gently placed her hand on my knee and looked at me, she said "Sweetheart in those days we didn't have a choice, you had to have the babies". She went on to say she loved her children very much and would not trade one of the them, but given the choice she probably would not have had so many. So, I have no problem at all paying for birth control and will continue to speak out. And anyone with too many children - feel free to drop it a the home of anyone at Hobby Lobby, I'm sure they won't mind.

Settle In, Settle Down

My  boss emailed me that he wants to meet with me this week - but just to see how things are going and if I need anything. Things are going well thank you and I don't think there's anything I need. I am very much enjoying my job these days - it's not perfect and there's the occasionally snarkiness, but it's not serious snark and very little at that. I am navigating around the city pretty well, have my favorite shops and plan my grocery shopping around patient visits. I'm a huge fan of Whole Foods and a not so huge fan of Trader Joes - which is OK but not my favorite. I've been taking more pictures you might have noticed, getting the hang of it and the lay of the land so to speak. There's so many great pictures but no where to pull over a lot of the time. Or I have weigh whether it's worth since I'll have to try to get back into traffic, at certain times of day not an option. The construction is a pain - they've closed the Liberty Tunnel til the end of the month for painting so all the traffic is funneled into little side roads. I sat on route 51 for an hour yesterday, not a happy camper. After all, there's only so long you can watch Netflix and not get bored. But on the whole it's a fun place to scope out. David is busy with the houses, no bites on the Clarksburg house yet - if I hear one more time That Should Sell Fast I'll scream - no it won't. We are giving it another month and if there is not movement that will get rented and the Fairmont house will be sold. We always have a backup plan. We got a little break in the weather today, it's not chilly but cooled off enough to be comfortable. We have all sorts of things going on at the moment but nothing too tragic. I am trying to plan out things for the fall, we are hoping to get to Long Island at some point, a trip to Norfolk in October (maybe), NJ for Thanksgiving of course, maybe maybe maybe.

What Do You Want?

I had a short day this week, since I had worked late the previous day and had patients in a very beautiful area. I took a bunch of pictures, including one of a brick, weather beaten home with a large porch, it sat on a large grassy hill with a tilted road sign posted beside it and I thought to myself - that is what I want. When you drive a lot, you tend to wander around mentally, you'll have one thought and it will segue way into an internal conversation. I started thinking about how we all seem to think we should have this Ultimate Goal, What Do I Want Out Of Life sort of thing. Doesn't it always seem like everyone else gets there - and you don't? But on further reflection I think we do obtain our goals and then move on to a new one. When I was ten, my deepest desires were Jay Osmond, a dog, a bike with sissy bars and a banana seat and above all, to feel safe and to be left alone - the last being a life long ambition. In my teens I wanted Steven Tyler BAD, a car with bucket seats, to move to NY to be a writer. I wanted a walk up loft in an artsy neighborhood and ability to ride the subway without having to make fourteen phone calls to the Palominos. As I hurtled toward my late teens I wanted to be free of some of the people I had hung around with, to get away from the drugs and find a way to live with memories of childhood and myself. Going to my twenties still wanted to Steven Tyler but wanted David worse, no more studio lofts or apartment, no writer, but I did get the car with bucket seats - and a cat, my first, I wanted a child - and then another.  As time marched on I wanted to be a baker, ended up a nurses aide due to financial collapse and finding myself the breadwinner of the family for a period of time. Then finally college, to be a nurse - who saw that coming? Not me, I can assure you. Some of my goals have been fulfilled - just not the way I saw it. I do work in the city, but the city is Pittsburgh, not NY and the only things I write are supervisory notes and Letters Of Medical Necessity. But I am a writer, aren't I - I've had this blog now for exactly ten years. If you look, my first entry was in July of 2004. I don't earn my living that way, but I enjoy it and given the counter on the top that I started a year or so ago, so do some other people. And I do feel safe, finally. We don't have huge property but we have almost six acres, I have about 3 wooded acres to work in. I have old chairs scattered throughout to sit and read quietly, I have to say that is where I'm most content these days. My two Fearless Companions snort and snuffle their way through the brambles and have learned to stay within earshot. I've always been a bit of a loner, had brief periods of not being one, but for the most part I enjoy my own company, I enjoy the quiet of me. So in retrospect, maybe my goals have been accomplished, well maybe not all of them, but some of them don't need to be accomplished and others have turned into new goals. Life is static, ever changing.