Stop Right There.

Today while I was cleaning the song "I'll Be" was playing on my Alexa. That song for me is bittersweet because it was very popular right before everything in my universe changed. David will occasionally tell me I'm never really happy, but that's not true - and it's not true for most people. Because if you sit and think about it there were times in your life when you were truly and completely happy and if you're currently at that point I would suggest you hold onto it as tight as you can and enjoy it without worrying about what tomorrow will bring. 

I have to say one of the happiest years was when Jackson was in 11th grade, we were living in the biggest and best house in Maidsville WV with the swimming pool and pastures, the driveway sloped down to the road in the loveliest way. Pearl was in her prime, so healthy and so funny everyday - we hiked almost every weekend. We had so much room to roam around, I had a broken down lawn chair by the barn where I would sit and read while Pearl ran around like her hair was on fire. She had a dog friend named Ginger that came to play everyday til her owner called her home. Jackson was busy with friends, Adam was stationed in Norfolk and we got to see him so often. My job was actually OK, enough to keep me busy but not so much to make me crazy, I looked out from my front yard over the hills of West Virginia.David and Jackson took Pearl hunting, Vincent the cat was a hilarious pain in the ass, 

it was wonderful. 

But then that stupid song started playing all the time, everywhere you went. Jackson hit his senior year and joined the Navy. David decided he didn't want to live in WV anymore and put our house up for sale, my job started to suck lemons. I can remember the day the recruiter drove off with my last child - I just wanted to go get him, just one more year, a month - anything. We packed up the house after that, Vincent crying in the empty room that had been Jackson's  desperately looking for his boy - the day  the moving van drove off  I remember sitting in that echoing living room holding Pearl and crying like the world was going to stop - or maybe like it wouldn't. And I could not stop crying, I think I cried a big hole in my chest or at least it felt like that and that stupid song kept playing. Then we moved to the Poconos and that sucked a lot. But I found a job that I really liked  - I liked it so much we stayed for two years which by the way is pretty impressive if you've ever heard me talk about the Poconos - lovely place to visit bullshit place to live. Then we went back to my beloved WV - and things slowly started improving again. And now we are here. I'm four hours from my family and one from the best friend anyone has ever had in the universe. That's right, it's epic - hopefully you have an epic best friend. I can see the mountains again and better yet, I can also see the ocean whenever I want. So if anyone ever says you are never happy tell them you are - you're  just  smart enough to know you can't be happy all the time and you're grateful enough to appreciate when you are.