The Broken Road

There is a picture of me and Pearl that I will not post - in it you can see that even though I'm smiling, my eyes are tearing and I'm this close to breaking down again. It was a selfie of us on our last walk together, my beloved dog, friend, steadfast companion. I cried all the way home looking in the rear view mirror, begging her not to leave me, begging what powers that be to make this all not true. Make it go away. But it didn't, she did - a few days later found David and I sitting on a blanket with her while the vet so gently put her out of her suffering for us, a river could not describe the tears I cried that month. We've had many dogs but she was beyond special, I thought my heart would never mend. 

But then Reuben's breeder posted a picture of Molly for the rescue he works with  - we were sitting in bed drinking coffee and there she was. Not Pearl. We could not contact Matt fast enough, and a month later she came home forever. She was not Pearl, but she was amazing. We watched her go from terrified to playful - Reuben seemed to wake up the day she arrived - with so much joy. It was so much adjusting - would it be disrespectful to Pearl if Molly used her stuff? Would she and Reuben get along? But you know what - throwing out Pearl's things would have been disrespectful and foolish to buy the same things. Reuben seemed to thrive in Molly's presence and still does - he truly thinks the sun shines out her ass which is fine because she thinks it does too. 

So even though I lost something I never thought I would - something that turned my life upside down for a while - eventually we all grew to not only adjust to the new normal, but to embrace it. I still miss Pearl, but I know if she had not passed away we would have never had our beloved Molly in our lives. And maybe if I had not been so broken when I met her, I would have never gotten so strong. There's a lot of things in life that will bring us to our knees, break our hearts and spirits, shatter you from the inside out. But that is just a temporary condition if you see past the pain and can not only accept the changes but make them a part of your life. I'm working on it.