Ready Or Not.

So, I am home again today - I plan on going back to work tomorrow - there is only so long you can stay in the  house and cry. I hate this - I feel restless, I cry, I pick things up and put them down again. But I did sleep some last night and that helped. We obviously have had dogs die before, but never like this and never so terribly and so fast.That is what's throwing us - there was no time. No time to say goodbye, no ice cream dinners or favorite snacks, she could not even tolerate one of her beloved biscuits. Rueben is at loose ends, he is either under the bed or restless. I came downstairs to find Molly's collar on the floor with him sniffing it frantically. Why, yes I would like to have another crying jag, thank you for asking. There is no way to explain to him what happened and I'm sure he'll be looking for her, he already is.  But life does go on and we will have to go on without her. 

During this we had all sorts of things running in the background - did I mention that on Saturday morning as Molly was struggling and we were trying to find somewhere to take her the septic alarm went off? One of the pumps failed - here they have systems that have 3 tanks with pumps and floats. I won't go into the mechanics of it but if the pump does not pump the tank does not empty. David ended up just shutting off the breaker to make it stop - frantic situations are always more fun with an alarm in the background, aren't they? And Kim's birthday - it was and I had everything ready. She's still working to control her blood sugars so I had done a lot of research and planning to have a worthy but sugar free, low carb celebration.  She of course told me to stop worrying and apologizing, I said we could do it Sunday, Monday, next week, maybe Monday.....she just readily agreed with all 59 alternate plans I came up with. I love her. David got ahold of the septic guy and he said we should be ok til Monday since he didn't want to have to charge us a big emergency fee for nothing - just don't run the washer, etc.. So here I was Sunday with a dying dog vomiting and losing bowel control - I had blankets and towels piled all over, desparate to keep her clean and comfortable, we went through half a dozen towels, two dog beds, blankets.....and then she was gone. 

But yesterday the septic guy was here first thing and I started the first of many loads. We also did have Kim's birthday finally -  I found a beautiful herb encrusted cheese which I served with brown rice crackers,a very dry red wine, I made vegetarian pizza with cauliflower crust, and for dessert Blackberry Cheese Blintzes with whipped cream and water melon served on the side. 100% sugar free and so low carb Kim's blood sugar didn't budge. Having her and Steve over helped a lot, they brought thier tiny dog with them which gave Rueben some distraction. Last night was hard, it is so weird not to be fighting Molly for bed space or to wake up with her head resting on my side. But it will get better as the days go on and I am still so grateful her suffering was so short. I miss you Molly girl.