Loser

After you've been married for awhile you tend to get used to each other faults- doesn't mean it won't drive you crazy, but you get used to it. You casually throw out death threats while drinking your coffee, you can say "I'm going to kill you in a minute" just as easily as you say "I love you". I'm sure David has a laundry list of what I do that he can't stand, but after 35+ years the good still outweighs the bad with both of us. 

David decided to go hunting last week late in the afternoon, put Reuben's little vest and collar on him and loaded his excited butt into the van. He came back and got his stuff, then discovered his vest was missing - I was trying to do something at the table when he asked if I'd seen it. No, I hadn't. Was I sure and he went on to give such a detailed description that if the vest had committed a crime the FBI would have caught it right away just based on the exact likeness he'd conjured up. No, I hadn't seen it. He went upstairs and rummaged around like there was a herd of elephants assisting him, then clomped down to the basement to repeat the process. As he passed he asked me again -

I will kill you. Now. 

Reuben meanwhile (oh, did you forget about him? Bad you!)was in the van losing his shit since he'd been waiting for over 10 minutes and was now freaking out. David trotted BACK UP THE STAIRS  to rummage again - No I haven't! - and then back down to the cellar, then out to the porch - I had gotten nothing done except plot his demise - David thought this was pretty harsh but it was the only way I could figure out how to escape this hell. He was on his way out to look in his van and to make sure Reuben hadn't started to eat the upholstery in a random act of revenge. I got up and opened the basement door and there, hanging on a nail right by the door was the hunting vest. I knew this due to the magnificent description I had gotten. At this point David had started looking in my car (???) so I pitched it down to him, nonchalantly threw another I should kill you after it and sent him on his way. I'm sure we'll be repeating this again soon.