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Saturday, October 20, 2012

Budgeting, Grieving, Walking - All In One Spot.

 This week has been a bitch, weird stress, bad stress, elation and grief. It will be awhile before the grief of Pearl is past but it's not an all encompassing thing, we are good most of the time. And we had 5 months to get our heads wrapped around it, that this would happen. We  are glad we made the most of it for her - we owed her so much. She saw her Jackson, went hunting, ate chicken and fish every day, we turned a blind eye to the stolen cat food. But it's that sneaky grief that hits you in the back of the knees when you're not looking - one picture, one accidental call of the dog that is no longer there and you're down for the count. We are waiting a little while to get another dog - we will but not right now. We do have some good things going on, we were able to get financing to buy a foreclosure - hopefully will be closing within the month and David will be self employed again. It's a little scary, but we've done the two house thing before and we're a lot wiser now. At least I hope we are.  David has been working with Ron and Lisa of Howard Hannah, so it's been very enjoyable and pretty hilarious at times. They were the ones that sold the last house when we lived here - it's great when you can find good, solid dependable people. David is plotting and planning with a few backups in the event this falls through - we're no strangers to the Eleventh Hour and it seems to chime at least once during the course of events. Now we need to start budgeting a little -we redo that anyhow on occasion. Our biggest downfall is weirdly enough, grocery shopping. We love to do that, you'd think we'd both weigh about 800 pounds but we don't. We make a list, don't stick to it, come home with enough to feed an army and the next thing you know it takes both of us to shut the cupboards. Then we don't eat it because we can't get to it - or just flat out forget we bought two of them last week. So David went solo this week with a limited list and that is that.  Because the other problem is we don't just grocery shop. We book shop, clothing, eat out, etc - it runs away from you quickly. David is also getting rid of the cable company, we are going back to Dish - its literally half the price. They have to make sure we can get a signal but I think one of our neighbors has it so hopefully it won't be a problem. We're also going to sign up for Net Flix because we have 400 channels and at the end of the day actually only watch about 25 of them, if that. And starting Monday we are each keeping track of what we spend on a daily basis because it's probably a lot more then you think it is. I'm going to start walking with Reuben next week, I'll probably do a solo walk first, I'm not subjecting anyone to my grief - I have not done any hiking this year as I knew it would break Pearl's heart for me not to take her but I miss it. I miss the solitude of me and my dog, the trees and the sun. I know the first couple of times will be hard - the memories are already making me cry. But you know what - someday I'll pass too, hopefully be missed. But that void will close and life will go on, I will be a pleasant memory too. I like to think Pearl is not in heaven, but  she's racing around the Elysian Fields, sun on her back, pheasants bursting up. I know that's not the way things are but I hope to make it there too.  And that's where I'll leave my blog today. I know I'll go on about Pearl but writing is my way of working through the grief, giving me a way to work it out for myself.

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