Shuffling Shuffling

So for Mother's day this year I got to do laundry and clean out the basement. Adam did call and I got a nice gift from Brandi and Jackson, but other than that it's a bit ho-hum around here. According to David I'm not his mother and that's that. Oh well. So - we are (hoping) to get started on shuffling all the real estate around soon. We are still wanting  to close earlier but so far no amount of wailing and emailing has moved the date. The buyer for our flip is ready and so are we! but you know how lawyers go. I asked David if he thought she could be bought by a pair of handmade socks but he didn't think so - so we wait.

The game plan is as soon as we close we can start ferrying the small stuff over to declutter the house - not that it's that cluttered mind you but books need to be off the shelves, pictures down, counters cleared. It needs to look like someone can live there - not lived in. I have half of my knitting stuff boxed up, after that goes the other half will follow. Today I did the root cellar in the basement where we put a lot of our  attic-y things, Jackson and Adam still have stuff here. But Jackson is clear across the country and in the Navy, Adam is apartment living in New Orleans. I did weed it down (the real junky junk went) the rest we will slog over to the new house for now. All told it's about 10 small to medium boxes so it's fine. I have to say it's so much easier when we do it a little at a time as opposed when we've had to pack up all at once

When you do that you start off really good - sorting, carefully wrapping and packing, labeling each box clearly. Halfway through - it's every man for himself. You just start flinging stuff in a box and taping it shut like your latest murder victim is in there - you arrive at your destination with a pile of boxes marked "CRAP" in big psychotically angry letters. You can't find any household stuff - the mops, the shower curtains, the cleaning supplies are all gone. Then you remember you threw them all out because you can buy them when you get there - which is how you end up exhaustively flinging stuff in a cart at Walmarts and the bill tallies up to What! because you didn't realize how much it would cost to replace it. Yeah - not my first rodeo. So we are trying to do a bit a couple of times a week and offloading the things we are really not keeping - my dresser with the drawers that fall out , the lamp that doesn't work but we keep hoping the Magical Thinking will work and fix it, on and on. But all I can think is - it will be nice to be done.

Not My President

Years ago in my junior year of high school I was stalked for a brief period of time - he just started following me everywhere - I could not make him stop. I did tell the school and was told they could do nothing - because he hadn't actually "done" anything -  but I should come back if he did. I say it was brief because I used to walk home for lunch and one day my mother came home early and saw him. When I told her why he was lurking outside she went out and gave him an earful - and it ended that day. Because in my mother's opinion waiting for him to do something was not a good option. And so it is with Trump.

The other day someone asked me what he had done - had my rights been violated? Had I been denied property? Even abortion is still in place. But like my stalker  he's not doing a full on attack - that would get him impeached or someone would wing him - not smart. Instead, he and his posse are nipping like  pirhanas at the edges til they bring us down. He didn't ban abortion - but they are defunding Planned Parenthood and any other abortion providers. Despite the fact that NO government funding goes to this - it is a travesty as abortion is such a small but important part of their services. He has made it ok to berate and belittle women by his actions - did you see the inauguration pictures where his wife walked behind him with her head down? The horrible things he has said about women - and still does?

He has made the religious faction more brave, the southern states have been trying to pass anti - gay laws. And no most of them are not effective, but you know what? You throw enough shit at a wall some it is bound to stick. The trump supporters turn a blind eye to his activities with Russia, his employing family members, that he is still running his businesses - it's jaw dropping. So no, he has not actually "done" too much yet - but it's not for lack of trying - and do we really want to wait until he does?

Go With Your Gut

Last week  I had one of those situations where I had to make a decision on which way to act. Do I do nothing and wait? Or do I act? I'm not going to talk about what the situation was but there was a point that I was .....uncomfortable. I kept coming back to it, do I go with what I'm being told , or what I feel? I went with what I felt, there's a reason they call it a "gut feeling" - because you really DO feel it there - don't you? It's like a lump just sitting there and if you ignore it, it moves to your chest.The longer you ignore it the harder it gets, your chest gets tight, heart rate is up , anxious anxious anxious. Some theory states that your gut feelings are actually based on layers of past experience, that somewhere you retained that distant memory and when a similar situation comes up that is what gives you that odd sort of anxiety. I have to say, I don't like it

Did you ever notice when your in that situation you tend to second guess yourself? I get so afraid of that I'm wrong I initially don't  want to say anything - who wants to look like an idiot? I think as a nurse I probably deal with this more than the average person, when I first started there was more than one restless 8 hours in which I ran it over and  over in my head - should I have said something? Did I do the right thing? By morning (or actually evening since I worked the night shift) I would have myself in jail, all of my property divided up by the lawyers that unsucessfully represented me, my children hanging thier heads in deep shame for even knowing me. The patient of course would always be dead, no halfway measures for me! I'd go to work with my stomach in a knot and then........well, nothing 99.5% of the time.  The other Once In A While tended to be no big deal. So you would think I keep my mouth shut - nope.

Because over time I've realized it's better to feel like an idiot for waving that red flag. I can recover from idiocy and usually do on a weekly basis. :)

I can apologize for over-reacting, for being wrong, for hopping on that runaway train and taking other people with me. My gut does not sing that often, but I listen to it - and I've found there is a difference between winding myself up and when something is truly wrong. When I'm just messing with me it tends to be quiet hysteria, when it's the real deal there are bells going off in my head, I cannot leave it alone. I will keep going back, different angles until I feel like I've fixed it. And I'm glad I can do that - but thank goodness it does not happen that often!