We have owned.....hmm.....8 dogs together through almost 40 years - 8. We've had them pass in their sleep, from very old age, the last 3 all died from aggressive cancers which floors me. We have never had one escape and get run over thank goodness. I'm usually not great about it, who is? but realistic. Your dog will not live as long as you do, we all know that - but this. Since I was fourteen I have never not had a dog. That's almost 45 years of ongoing walks and pets, lapsitting and waking up to being stared at by a party who would like to go out. Now. 45 years of mixing dog food, occasional waving of a well chewed shoe in front of the (fake) sorry dog, cleaning up after a not yet trained puppy, endless strolls around parks, yards and forests. Car rides with the windows rolled down, scrubbing the delighted poo-encrusted roller, shelling out a bazillion dollars for the best kennels when we vacation to exuberant reunions when we return.
Losing one dog was devestating of course, but we were starting to feel better, had just started asking around about breeders....then Rueben and I got attacked, then we had to put him to sleep - I think my theme song is now Wake Me When September Ends - and no,the raccoon bites didn't kill him but I do think it accelerated his decline. No difference though, he is gone regardless of the whos and whys. And now, now....
we have no dogs.
I cannot get over how quiet the house is, when I come home there is no joyous leaping, no barking for me to hurry, no greeting. I have a constant feeling of - it feels like I've forgotten to do something, you know it was something but you just can't put your finger on it.... I am not used to having no reason to go outside many times throughout the day. Over the years I've gotten good walking and reading - I love to read and would take my book out when the dog went out, trailing behind or sitting on a bench under the trees while Molly and Reuben took note of who had been in the yard, marching around Completely Offended when they caught the scent of some local tresspasser. So I take myself out to go sit reading under the trees, it's very much not the same but I do it. The other night I got up around 2:30am and found myself in the living room - it took me a minute to realize I was about to let a non-existent dog out to pee, I guess this will take a while.
I'm healing well, I did one day at work last week and will be returning tomorrow. I take my last antibiotic pill tonight and although it's still pretty sore all the wounds are healing and are no longer red, angry looking things. I wore pants for the first time in almost two weeks yesterday. My last rabies vaccine is Tuesday - I'll be VERY glad to be done with that! I still have bouts of crying but that is getting less too, the house is just so quiet. Yesterday Kim and Steve met us over at the flip house, they had volunteered to paint - David has lost a lot of time between me and Rueben so he welcomed the help. With the four of us we got all the walls, ceilings and trim done, then we went out to a late lunch at a sit down restaurant - it was nice to have some normalcy in my day back. The flip house should be on the market pretty soon and in the meantime I've started looking a little for when we can a puppy. This has been the longest 3 months ever.
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