Someday I'll Be Living In A Big Ole City And All You're Ever Gonna Be Is Mean
I was thinking of you all day today - it's a shame we've given all this lip service about bullies - and yet nothing changes. I won't give you another It Will Get Better speech - we both know it will, I told you that and so did your aunt. It's that crappy middle getting to the better part. The mean kids seem to know who to target - Priscilla certainly did. For 3 years I had to use the bathroom in the nurse's because that stupid bitch and her sidekick would lay in wait for me - along with the locker room, hallways, when the teacher wasn't looking, two against one most of the time - and given the fact she outweighed me by at least 50 pounds never a fair fight. Everyone knew and no one tried to help. She wasn't the only one - but she was the most persistent - and it was at a time in my life I really didn't need anyone to make me feel worse about myself - I had been told from the time I could remember I was nothing and worthless - and that was at home - I just didn't have the self esteem to fight back. So I won't tell you to keep your chin up or other crap you don't need to hear. I will tell you what I did - and you can do with it what you want. Find a couple of teachers you trust - mine were Mrs. Brisel, Mrs. Ringers and Coach Fitz. They listened and even helped me - they gave me a reason to keep coming to school. Try to stay where they can't get to you - and I'm not just talking about physical damage - those kids tend to keep their mouths shut in front of adults - they're not stupid you know. It won't stop it but it will help cut down on the crap. Join the school newspaper or something like that - everyone fits in there. And use your guidance counselors - they're a great sounding board at times. I had two (I was only supposed to have one, but given my circumstances both of them made sure I could see them). When the shit hit the fan, one of them had me placed in a group home on an emergency admit - I'm not recommending it, but at the time it saved me. And stay away from drugs - I know I know - taking drugs probably won't keep you living in Allys as an adult but it will delay you from succeeding. I got into that briefly and then I not only had to deal with personal and social problems but then I had to deal with that on top of the mountain of problems I couldn't deal with in the first place.And make a few friends - good ones that mean something. Once I hooked up with Liz, Richard and Kim my life got so much better. Then we attracted more friends - then we had people that wanted to be friends with US - go figure. I guess what I really want to say to you is what I wish someone had said to me - that it will end when you graduate. When you get out of that microbe and leave it will disappear faster than a library fine, it will be yesterday's news. Concentrate on getting your grades good enough to get the hell out or get into the service - every day you go is another day down. You'll go on and you won't forget - none of us ever do. But the real friends you make in that school will have your back forever.