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Wednesday, December 2, 2009

I Would Like To Be A Little Stupid. But Just A Little.

Now, when I say I'd like to be a little stupid - I do mean just a little. I'd like to retain enough smarts to dress myself and get invited to parties, knit of course but that goes without saying. And maybe hold a job, but one where I wore an apron and didn't hold too much responsibility - Michael's would be OK because if I was just sweeping or something I could keep a not too bright eye on the yarn department. And you get to wear red I think. That would be fun. I wouldn't have to worry that I am responsible for other people getting to keep their jobs or things getting done, being everything for everyone. But I am where I am and we have hit the point of either self destruction or flying high - I tend to do both so often these days it's like being stuck on the Cyclone and no one releasing the safety bar. Being a manager is fun, I get to wear spanky clothes and high heels, I have peers instead of co-workers, figuring out how things can get moving is interesting. I do conferences and stay in hotels for free, I can order off swanky menus and not worry about it - but there are long endless hours, trying to do the impossible - and being sent back in to do it again. The hard part is slowly realizing you are not every one's friend and you have to be unpopular sometimes no matter how hard you try. Or when you aren't as smart as you need to be right now - and when someone else is smarter. It's trying, I was wishing for WV all the way home tonight, it's funny how things are so much shinier and brighter when they're far away - but even though my job was hard there, the pressure didn't get like this. But by the time I got home I was, alright. David had french toast and a big roaring fire, some of the things my paychecks go towards - and I did promise Bayada when I started that I would commit to this job - they took me on with a wing and a prayer, so I suppose I should continue to fly. Either my wings will melt like Icarus or I'll soar, time will tell.

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