Food Is My Religion

I took a test on religious knowledge once on Face book that Donna had posted and was very surprised to see how well I did. When I asked her about she said that atheists tended to score much higher because they tend to question and research everything. In retrospect that's true - I've researched Christian, Hindu, Islamic, Buddhist, Egyptian, etc. I went back in, read more, talked to people and have come away with the belief that makes the most sense to me after sifting through the chafe.As I've been reading and watching documentary after documentary (Vegacated, Chow Down, Farmmaggedon, Food Matters, Forks Over Knives, etc)  researching on food and diet it occurred to me I"m once again approaching it from my fact gathering, sorting and figuring it out. It's a lot more complex the more I delve. I do not want to go back to Weight Watchers, South Beach, Atkins, etc - do they work? Of course they do! I've lost 30 pounds on each of them. Losing is not the issue, not having to diet is. The problem with dieting is you feel like you're under house arrest all the time - when you eat out did you make a good choice? If I don't eat all day can I hog down donuts tonight? And then you add in my blood work that is okay but not great, my horror at watching how farm animals are treated including how they get dairy products, my lack of time - as far as I've been able to conclude my diet will now have to consist of lint, air and whatever dust bunnies I can scrounge up under the sofa. The vegan thing is complicated by the fact you really have to read the labels closely- some products are literally wolves in Sheep's clothing. - "Go Veggie" soy cheese you would think was vegan -NOT. It's actually made of out of casein, which is milk protein. And then there is the cost, 11 slices of Dayia soy cheese,a true vegan product is about $6 - it's expensive to behave.When you add in the rest soy, tempeh, fresh vegetables, etc it adds up very fast. The preparation time also factors in as you can keep the calories and cost down if you make it yourself, but that comes back to time and effort. And no, I'm not complaining, I'm turning this problem over and over, like a Rubik's Cube, hoping if I hit the right combination it will stick. I am not going on yet another diet, for crying out loud I"m 52 years old, I should be able to control myself. And that is what makes me a little angry and distressed - because I HAVE been controlling it and I feel better in a week than I have in awhile. I've lost about 5 pounds without even trying and if that's the result, why oh why do I feel cheated eventually? Why, when I finally lose the weight I should do  I then act like I've crossed the finish line, won the race and no longer have to do this? The reality is I can afford to eat a good, healthy diet, I have exercise equipment in the basement, I have an app on my Ipad that tracks my carbs,protein, etc to make sure things stay in balance, I may not have the time but I can certainly make the time to eat right and exercise. I guess that's the part that really I need to get my head around ,that it's not a punishment, or unfair or even some commie plot - it's me.