Testing One Two Three Testing

So, life as you have guessed lately has not been the best lately. I've gotten hit so many times I don't know which way to run and it just keeps going on and on. And in the midst of all this - I have the CRRN test looming up faster than the speed of light. That's the rehab nurse certification that I did the clinical for last month in Philadelphia. I have to tell you when I signed up for this nothing was going on, nothing. Now there's way too much going on and not much of it is good - home is a mess, work is not much better, no where to hide these days. 

I'm considering rescheduling, the test costs about $500 a try and it's only given twice a year, June and December. Do I really want to wait that long? Not sure, not sure. I have been trying to study but it seems like everything just slides at this point right past me at this point, like ducks on ice. When you're worried and stressed things just bounce - it did make QA at work a little less stressful - what more can you do to me? I am soldiering on - I got a good study guide from Amazon today and I'm re-listening to the lectures. I guess I'll just play it by ear and see what happens.

I'm hoping to get a little less overwhelmed at some point - but not holding out too much for that. It seems like when one thing finally calms down something else happens or we have some sort of explosion, it's very tiring some days. Very tiring. And I will not uttering any phrases that sound like I cannot take one more thing - because every time  I do the universe laughs and thinks to to itself - 

Game On. 

The Broken Road

There is a picture of me and Pearl that I will not post - in it you can see that even though I'm smiling, my eyes are tearing and I'm this close to breaking down again. It was a selfie of us on our last walk together, my beloved dog, friend, steadfast companion. I cried all the way home looking in the rear view mirror, begging her not to leave me, begging what powers that be to make this all not true. Make it go away. But it didn't, she did - a few days later found David and I sitting on a blanket with her while the vet so gently put her out of her suffering for us, a river could not describe the tears I cried that month. We've had many dogs but she was beyond special, I thought my heart would never mend. 

But then Reuben's breeder posted a picture of Molly for the rescue he works with  - we were sitting in bed drinking coffee and there she was. Not Pearl. We could not contact Matt fast enough, and a month later she came home forever. She was not Pearl, but she was amazing. We watched her go from terrified to playful - Reuben seemed to wake up the day she arrived - with so much joy. It was so much adjusting - would it be disrespectful to Pearl if Molly used her stuff? Would she and Reuben get along? But you know what - throwing out Pearl's things would have been disrespectful and foolish to buy the same things. Reuben seemed to thrive in Molly's presence and still does - he truly thinks the sun shines out her ass which is fine because she thinks it does too. 

So even though I lost something I never thought I would - something that turned my life upside down for a while - eventually we all grew to not only adjust to the new normal, but to embrace it. I still miss Pearl, but I know if she had not passed away we would have never had our beloved Molly in our lives. And maybe if I had not been so broken when I met her, I would have never gotten so strong. There's a lot of things in life that will bring us to our knees, break our hearts and spirits, shatter you from the inside out. But that is just a temporary condition if you see past the pain and can not only accept the changes but make them a part of your life. I'm working on it. 

Project List

I'm finally starting to get on top of my knitting projects, I finished the Day Lily shawl (tablecloth), I have about 5 more rows to do on the Easy Peasy, halfway through Girasole and the socks will eventually  be restarted. Two of them are left overs from the Pittsburgh Fiber Festival classes, I had finished one set  of shawls and then knit another set part way through for examples. The socks had been restarted a couple of times - I just haven't had time to look at them. And then there are the Future Projects.

I've got a pi-like shawl by Brooklyn Tweed called Arbre that I'm dying to cast on - it looks like so much fun. We're flying out to see Jackson and company the second week in July so I might just start it for that trip. Or I probably should just bring the socks. Sometimes it's so hard because I have so many patterns I want to work on and so much yarn. I have about 2,500 yards of a beautiful Kelly green lace weight sitting on my dresser just waiting for a pattern. There's a beautiful sky blue worsted weight on the entertainment system that will be a sweater someday. Sigh. And then there is the Project to End All Projects which I've been laughingly calling My Opus. The definition of an Opus is "any artistic work, especially on a large scale". 

It's a Russian pattern called Lily of the Valley, a friend and I are going to be knitting it at the same time which should be interesting. She's a very precise knitter and follows the instructions perfectly - her stuff ALWAYS looks like the picture. Me, not so much as demonstrated by the Day Lily shawl -  which somehow ended up having a 7 foot diameter even though I stopped 40 rows short. Most people would have stopped and ripped it out - not me. I knit the way I live my life, I just go ahead and do it - I can deal with the fall out later. The pattern was very small and VERY complicated so I took it down to the print shop near my office and the guy put the charts all on 11 x 17' inch paper - it looks as epic as it is. Then I emailed the alpaca ladies - as you know they stopped producing alpaca lace weight yarn that quite incidentally BROKE MY HEART. A LOT. But lo and behold they have a lot of undyed left over so I have 4 skeins coming and I can dye it the shade I want.  This is a project I have to work up to - hopefully I'll be worthy of it. 

Melting

If you ask me if I have air conditioning, the technical answer is yes. The unit is sitting right next to the heater in the basement waiting to be installed. The actual is answer is we have fans and one very tiny window unit that is in the bedroom we're using. And that's where you'll find everyone most days, I've taken to eating dinner sitting in bed surrounded by the Zoo. David has it worse of course - he's putting in overtime at the flip house most days trying to get it finished enough to show by Mid- June. He has one fan but I'm sure most days that does little more than move the hot air around. The rain has added to the heat and humidity, it's like living in the jungle lately. I don't even worry about the dogs running off - they'd pass out before they even got down the road.

We were out in the wooded pasture around lunchtime, every time we go out I returned drenched - thank goodness for my play clothes! I bought a few light short dresses which keep the heat to a low roar. And yes, David could take a few days to get the AC going, but we're currently residing in the Land Of The House Poor again, this is where we're reaching the end of project but have more money out than in. We're OK, but all the cash and energy has to go to the flip house, everything else is in a state of stasis. The mornings are not  bad at all really, but between four and seven at night it is hellishly hot around here. It's funny how just about everyone in my age group grew up without airconditioning - we slept upstairs with the windows open and a window fan running all night. I can remember the heat being oppressive - our friends next door lived in a house that they'd built using what should have been attic space as bedrooms, the temperature soared in June to the point of ungodly! But we survived and really, we didn't know any different. We didn't miss airconditioning because at that time it didn't really exist. We made due and survived. And this is not my first rodeo or my first summer without airconditioning - but make no mistake I will be weeping with joy the day it's hooked up. 

Aftermath

So, after a couple of weeks Adam is finally settled. You know, it's one of those things - when people say they've been mugged you think and say oh no or are you ok. But it's one of those things, unless it happens to you, you really don't think of all the ramifications. The criminal that mugged him took his keys, his debit card, his ID, his phone, got into his bank account and managed to get a few hundred dollars - and it turned it into a two week round robin. He couldn't call to fix things because his phone was gone. He couldn't get a phone because his access to money was gone. He couldn't withdraw any money because his ID was gone. And the thief went back and took his bike because you know, if you're going to fuck someone over you might as well do a good job at it. 

But there is the other side of things, people stepping in to help out. His landlord was willing to wait for the rest of his rent money,  working out payments if he needed to. His friend and roommate Jimmy was great - he lent Adam enough money to get by until we could wire him some. He spent part of his day off walking David through how to wire money, then went down and picked it up since Adam still had no ID. In the meantime one of the store owners let Adam use the store phone to make what ever long phone calls he needed to (when everyone has phones that go by minutes you can't sit on hold forever). Someone let him know you can get ID at Walmart (did you know that? I didn't!). A coworker told Adam her son was moving and he'd be willing to sell him his bike at a reasonable price. David helped keep up with the phone calls and eventually the money found it's way back to his account

His face is healing and I think he's recovered. During this a few people have shared their stories with him, his friend Jimmy actually was mugged right after he arrived in New Orleans. I'm sure it will make Adam more cautious, but all in all things have finally righted themselves. As I said when this first happened we have been so grateful that the only thing that was lost were things that were not easily replaced, but could be replaced. And it does go to show, although it usually does happen to somebody else, sometimes you have to be somebody else. 

Bayada Awards Weekend

When Jen looks at me and asks "how did that happen?" I usually respond with " have you met me?". So, this weekend is the annual Bayada Awards weekend  in which the company pays for 2000 + employees to go play together. As is my typical modus operand I had made all sorts of half assed plans - I was leaving from the new office to the airport, booked a shuttle, etc.. David's waterpump in his van went kaflooey right on schedule so I did leave from the new office, just not in my car. Jen was gracious enough to pick me and Alexa up and off we went. The line was huge at the airport, so long then shuffled half of us off to an Alternate Check In Point which looked like something out of a Bourne movie. Someone kept whacking a door shut which just added to the ambience. I actually did the bin thing correctly, even taking off my Fitbit but when I stepped in the scanner I thought I heard the security guy say something . I turned my head and moved my arms....... 

and earned a full pat down. Apparently if you move every yellow area that shows up needs a patting - sigh. I myself would have been taking pictures but that's just me. We got through that and off to TGIF. The waiter was new - we knew that because he said so like four billion times. When I ordered a veggie burger he actually asked me how I wanted that done - ?? I think I told him cooked! We got here in good time and I called the shuttle. I have no idea why I did that - probably a knee jerk reaction. Every time we fly out to Seattle that's what we do. Here - would not do it again. I called and apparently Larry forgot I had booked - he asked me if I was sure in which I said yes I am LARRY and told him I had a receipt. Not a huge I was to the hotel in good time. Our directors had a reservation at a great restaurant and then we went out to a bar called the Tin Roof.

I had a few beers and then hit the hay around midnight. Charlotte is very pretty and the buildings are huge, I didn't realize how big it was .But there's a lot of homeless people here too and I don't know how safe it is to walk around at night. There are a gazillion Ubers and I've put the app on my phone, my co-worker is going to show me how to do it so I will go home with a Swanky New Skill. Today is going to be super busy, luncheons, general assembly, dinner, dancing - but what fun! What other company does this for Thieu employees? I don't think any of them do - I worked for Interim for years and they do have something similar, except they only send the four people every year. We already got a bunch of presents and dinner too! You can't beat that, can you?

Mother's Day

So, my older son Adam let us know yesterday that he had been mugged. He'd been walking home from the bar and was held at knife point, the asshole took his phone, his keys, his wallet, he hit him in the face. Adam is ok physically, but now we deal with all the other crap that comes with this. He couldn't get into his apartment because his keys had been taken, his landlord let him in and that will be taken care of later. The police are very short handed and will be by eventually to get a report. He can't go to the police station because all of his money was taken, his bank is not local and we can't even wire him money because he has no ID to prove who he is. He sold his car a few months ago and got a bike - the transportation system is so good down there the car was just sitting  for weeks on end. But now the bike remains locked, the key to it was on his key ring. A neighbor lent him a phone to use so he was able to get his phone shut off, his debit card cancelled and new one will be coming. We'll be direct depositing some cash for him so he'll have something until the bank gets it straightened out. I'm assuming the guy took his keys because he assumed Adam had a car, but the bike is most likely gone too.

As a parent this is one of the most upsetting things - I know he's an adult in his 30's, that he was not physically hurt - but it's hard not to be able to do anything more than be there and offer what little help and advice we can. We can see and speak to him through Messenger thank goodness, but I'm sure he's getting tired of us contacting him every 15 minutes - did you shut off your phone? Is the landlord going to change the locks? Can you get a new ID at the DMV? Are you ok? What can I do, what can I do? He does have a game plan, he'll be taking tomorrow off and getting his phone cancelled, will go the DMV for a new ID, the debit card should be on it's way, we will get through this. 

And as upset as we are, we are also very, very grateful. This could have been so much worse, couldn't it? So, I'll take what I can from this - the debit card, the phone, even the bike will be replaced eventually - it will be annoying and frustrating at times since we all know nothing goes smoothly in this kingdom. I'm sure he'll be much more aware of his surroundings, David and I will most likely bury him in a pile of mace. But as upsetting as this is - I'm glad it's only objects that were lost.

Happy Mother's Day. 

Saving Money.

The first step to really saving money is, well, not spending it. Easier said than done - in the past few weeks I've been mulling over cutting corners. A lot of it is just being concious of not only what you're spending but on what. Today I did the grocery shopping by myself and stopped in Gabes to look for shorts and sandels, both of which I found. I only bought one pair of shorts as I rarely wear them (and I KNOW there has to be at least one more thing of summer clothes somewhere around here) and a pair of cheap flip flops to potter around in. But then I came across a medium sized kitchsy suitcase with retro decorations. It was perfect! Spinny wheels, zippers worked great and the price! was only $39, you just can't beat that. It would be perfect to use as a carry on.............

I never carry on when I fly. I think it's stupid, I just bring my pocket book and my yellow tote bag which I can fit everything into and it slides under the seat in front of me. It's actually a knitting bag but I can get everything I need to take on the plane with me. So. I looked at the bag. Then walked away, very quickly. Because I didn't need it - I wanted it. And I wanted it because I knew it would make me feel better for a few minutes, doesn't it? You walk away from the store all excited about your new perfect item, imagine how you'll use it, admire it when you get home. Then it gets put in the closet, under the bed, the basement, the attic. Eventually it will be given away where someone will buy it in a thrift store, excited about thier new purchase. So the suitcase stayed on the shelf and I walked out with exactly what I intended to buy

I've found a lot of not buying things is best done by not looking. So many easy ways to buy things, Amazon, ebooks, ebay, yada yada yada. I do still look at books - but before I buy it I ask, would I buy this if it wasn't on sale? If the answer is no, then I move on. Just buying things can be a bad habit, like forgetting to put the milk away  - when I look at things lately I remind myself I don't need them. I recently re-organized my yarn and I have a good amount, but all that I have I WILL use. The last time I went through it I gave away two trash bags full. It went to a good cause and the animal rescue was very grateful for it, but do I want to spend money again on things I don't need? Nope. Like drugs, sometimes you've just got to say No. 

Junk.

Do you ever wonder about junk? The one thing about living in an area where there's no zoning or regulation is you can do pretty much what you want. You can never throw out another can as long as you live - or you can just pitch them straight down the ravine, no one can say anything. The house we bought David spent a few days dragging all sorts of trash out of the back of the property - tires, an old swing set, a rusted truck cap. Bottles, cans, broken toys. Some of it he burned, any of the metal went to a friend that collects scrap metal to sell. But you wonder - how do you have a nice piece of property and just trash it up? Do you not mind? 

The slobby people next door from what we can see inherited a house and rather than clean out all the garbage they just bought a trailer and moved into that. That's not the first time I've seen that and won't be the last. It just doesn't make sense. And my other thing is - where does all that junk come from? There were a couple of houses down in Garards Fort that has so much junk it was mindboggling. Sometimes they'd have a yard sale, a table of tatty dirty things in the midst of all that flotsam - when they didn't sell it, well, they just left it there and it became part of the landscape. One house they got rid of the people in it and cleaned it up, the one across the road, not so much. 

And how do you live like that? I would go crazy - David and I have stuff, but we're constantly sorting and getting rid of it. I can't imagine.

Bayada

Years ago I left Stonybrook University Hospital for a hospital closer to home, my clinician called the DON up to talk me into staying. But instead of lecturing, she gave me a big hug and told me to go - because she said you'll never be happy until you see for yourself how spoiled you are here. She told me she'd see me in orientation in a few months and had some cake a few days later at my going away party. Two things happened - I did go away. And then when I came back and was sitting in orientation 3 months later to start on the surgical trauma step down floor she smiled at me and waved when we passed in the hall  - and I stayed there until I left Long Island. It has been the same with Bayada - I left because I moved, lived too far etc, etc.. - but I found a way back.

When I came back to Bayada and interviewed, the first thing the director did was pushed a copy of a Goggle map over to me - did I know how far I lived from the office? Yep, I did and despite his misgivings of how long I'd last with my 64 mile each way hike to the office he hired me. It has not always been easy, there are days when I get into my car tired before I even turn the key, coming home way past everyone else because not only was it a long day, but I had an hour and forty minute ride after. Why do I drive? Because I've worked in jobs close by that I hated and let me tell you, even if it was only ten minutes away if you hate what you're doing it is the longest ten minutes you'll have. But I've hung in there for over four years and on Monday I will be starting at the new Only Twenty Eight Miles Away Office!! Forty minutes, I feel like I could walk there. And has all this driving been worth getting to this moment?Yep.

Because Bayada does spoil us - I do get overwhelmed but there's always someone ready to step in and help. Today I helped out one of my co-workers, but you don't even think about it because that's what we do - and when I need help I know it will be there.. I've never been left stranded or to muddle it out on my own, I've called a coworker at 10 o'clock at night because I don't know what to do - and help comes. Our director supports and backs our decisions, even if sometimes it makes our families mad at us, as long as we have the client's best interests we are told to do what right - not what's financially right. We're respected - for nurses week we got a catered lunch and Michael Kors purse, the field staff gets a nice gift too. I'm not saying it's all roses - sometimes you end up with way too much to do, the phone is ringing, someone is complaining, on and on.  We don't always get along and grousing is occasionally heard, but it's never out of control. They pay you well, you work for it of course but when I left my last agency and came to Bayada, I instantly made $15,000 more a year - for doing probably half the work. They don't overload you with clients so you can do a good job - this is the only agency that if you ask to take half a day to help a client's family out, they tell you to go ahead - they really do put the clients first and it shows in everything we do. Happy Nurse's Week Bayada, and thanks for being such a great company!

Once More Around The Block.

So, I know I blocked it already but I was not happy with it. I think the first time I was being a little bit more cautious, but this time I wanted to do it right. Anyone that knits will be familiar with blocking - when people think of wet wool or yarn they often think of it as shrinking. But with knitters - we think of it as getting bigger. Much bigger. So this morning I scrubbed the sink down and dumped it in, letting it soak for a half hour. Wringing it out took some doing, it's fairly large unblocked which made it unwieldy, drenched in water - ugh! I wrung and blotted and wrung again, then carried upstairs to the blocking mat. The reason the blocks are all different colors is because I'm cheap - Sam's Club sells foam squares which are exactly the same except I can get 8 for about $20 instead of the "real" ones which are much more expensive. Much more. I bought two sets and it's also my exercise mat in the morning. Win win!

I got out  my lace blocking stainless steel wires and T-pins and set to work - it took me about 45 minutes because I wanted it to block even of course. The first round I pulled and pinned, then back around twice more, pulling and securing. I know I've done a good job when I can stand back and see through it - now I'm happy.  At the moment I giving it a break and then on to other things. I'm swapping out my summer and winter clothes today since it's raining and I have to rearrange the refrigerator again. We're good for awhile and then we have a breakdown in society and just stuff things in there willy nilly. We end up wasting food because you can't see what you have. 

David is out at the flip house working on the floors - he found cabinets and will be picking them up tomorrow, he wants to have the floors down before he puts the cabinets in. The saga with the asshat next door continues.  West Penn had shut off and tagged the pole - they told David they would be back the next day to take down the rest of the wires but he could get started on removing it. He started cutting the wires and 5 minutes later a state trooper showed up - turned out asshat came back from Wyoming to get the rest of their trash (I guess so they can dirty up Wyoming) and called the cops on him! Now Asshat decided he's going to have his own survey (seriously? )and he's going to rent the trailer. David said the whole time he was smirking and then started making up stuff which David called him on. Sigh. I told David I think we're making a bigger deal out of it than we need to - we're more upset that the neighbor and his backwoods family are being such assholes than the pole and the shed. I told David just to put up the fence - out of sight and out of mind - and we'll deal with the rest of it later. 

Cibophobia

Did you look up what that meant? Are you going to - or are you going to wait until I tell you what it means? Ok, ok! It means "the fear of food", a strange topic since most of my recent posts are my laminations that I cannot lose weight. But I am afraid of some foods that are currently lurking around my house inspiring guilt, fear and a sense of duty. Because like most people I'll see  a  food I haven't tried before and somehow think I will like it. Sometimes I do - I tried taro root years ago and if you see it, you do not want it. It's a brown hairy looking thing, misshapen and hard. BUT when you peel off the skin and cook it, it tastes so good you can eat it all day. And sometimes I do. Lotus root on the other hand is very pretty - but tastes just like what I imagine a wet sock might taste like.

I bought a dragon fruit once - it was so lovely I took about 40 pictures of it, then cut it open and took a lot more. The outside is pink and covered with hard leaves, the inside a creamy white with wee little black seeds. Eating it - hmm. if you could turn Styrofoam into a liquid that would be the flavor. Don't let me stop you from trying this stuff though - like taro root it only tastes good if you know how to cook it. And it doesn't hurt you to try something new - maybe gross you out, but it won't hurt you. And sometimes playing with your food will lead you to something really great. I accidentally discovered if you take silken tofu (1 box) and whip it, then add sugar free, fat free chocolate pudding you end up with something that tastes EXACTLY like chocolate mousse - but with an eighth of the calories and 5 minutes prep time. Hmm. Go ahead try it - I am so not lying. 

Currently the two untried but fear mongering foods in my home are - Jack fruit shredded and packed in BBQ sauce and artichoke hearts in water. The jackfruit comes from Trader Joes and if you saw the snappy packaging you would have bought it too. It has a picture of a man with a handlebar moustache and big,oldfashioned lettering - it looks very Delicious until you actually SEE a jack fruit in person. It's a very yellow large and weird looking affair. So I've made the executive decision to leave it in the bottom of the fridge until the expiration date goes by. Then I can toss it without offending anyone. The artichoke hearts are in a can - what was I thinking!! so I'll have to hang on to them for at least two more years. Every time I open the cabinet there they are. Bastards.