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Friday, August 24, 2012

Let It Go Sunshine.

 I saw Donna's blog and how badly she is feeling - I was going to write something funny and zucchini related, but stopped. Because I've learned over the years if you're feeling bad or depressed the best thing to do - is go full steam ahead, full throttle. As anyone who has read my blog  knows I've gone over the subjects of painful family rifts, the death of loved ones, homesickness gets it's own department every time I try to move away from West Virginia. I am a fan of full out sobbing, giving into grief over my steering wheel, the sides of roads, the sadness so enveloping I can hear my own breath drawing. The painful silence of depression, being immobilized and drowning in sorrow. Would I do it long term? Nope - but you know what - you let it go - and it does. When you're done grieving and being so overwhelmed, you can't keep it up, can you? You have to dry your eyes, wash your face, eat something - and look around. It may still be that bad and you may not even be able to fix it. But you can see the sun a little bit and it's not so bad. Everything  ends and most things are fixable, aren't they? My butt is hugging the border of West Virginia, isn't it? But telling people it's not so bad, that crying doesn't fix anything, chin up and all that crap - you won't hear that from me. It shouldn't go on for a long time of course, but if you feel that bad pretending you don't doesn't help. So I go ahead when I have to and I not only feel bad, I embrace it. It is all encompassing, overwhelming, pulses with my heart. And then it dissipates. And I can start to see that the final things are final, Mikio  and Setsu will never be back. But I'll always have those  memories. I cannot stop Pearl from dying , but I have had my all out grief sessions and will most likely have a couple more coming down the road. But crying like a loon allows me to accept what is inevitable and enjoy what we have left. So if you are really that sad, be that sad - and when you're done put it behind you and go on.  You have to experience the bad to truly appreciate the good.                                     

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