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Wednesday, January 11, 2006

This Really Sucks.

I think Thomas Jefferson was the one who called grief the "most useless of emotions, what purpose does it serve?" and I have to say, I agree with him wholeheartedly. I had today off as I usually am and David was off at work, so it was me, the cats, Charger and the empty space that used to be our Copper. I cried over his blanket. I cried over his leash. I went to fill the dog bowls and saw only one, so I cried over the one that wasn't there. I'm actually distressed over the fact that I miss him so much already. He was an old dog, but he was such a character of a dog. Who's going to make me berserk by trailing a quarter of an inch behind me all day? Who is going to model my projects? Share bananas? Come flying on the bed because it's morning and he hasn't seen us all night? Who's going to run around the property like a nut with me because no one can see us do it? This just stinks. My eyes are swollen, my chest hurts, tears just come bursting out at a moment's notice or less, like this morning when I let Charger out and called them both in. The problem with vizslas are they're ALWAYS there, if you yell at them to go away they do - for 20 seconds and then they appear on the other side since you didn't tell them how long you wanted them to go away for. This is the first time since David was 11 that he hasn't had one and for me, it's the first time in over 20 years. Charger is here of course, but he's a "real" dog and acts accordingly. I know it's going to get better, but right now I would give anything to look over my side of the bed and see Copper peering back at me to see if it's time to spill my coffee.

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