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Friday, October 17, 2008


Funerals are such odd creatures, aren't they? In the movies everyone is moping about the church, sleepwalking with grief in thier heavy black clothes - but they're not anything close to that, are they?  Not to say there was no crying or grieving, but it's more a renewal of family bonds, grasping how much someone impacted your life even though you didn't know it sometimes - and realizing things you thought were such a big deal and upset you so much are in reality, nothing more than a blip on your radar. That Liz is important to me and always will be - she'll be there when the tough times are steamrolling through and she'll be there when there's a good sale and she's steamrolling over me. We'll always have that friendship strengthened by 3 generations of family behind it. The Schnieders have been my steps for almost 20 years, do you realize Rick was in high school when he first became my stepbrother and he's now married with 4 children? Aunt Maryann is still wonderful (and still my favorite aunt) and I'll always know it's her laughing,even from across the room. I was so glad I made it home for Grandpa's birthday, we all were - that we were able to celebrate together before we grieved together. The funeral was wonderful - smaller than we thought as most of Grandpa's family and friends have passed on before him. It made me wonder on the way home - what happens now? Even though we didn't think about it, Grandpa was a focus in the family, he was the one we came home for, made sure we visited everytime, the person impossible to buy for but we kept trying. He was the one who had a story for everything and advice to go along with it, who could discuss everything from how to smoke a lamb to how to clean a gun, the person who would eat all your watermelon - the person I toted a glass bowl of ice cream with a real spoon to the hospital ( in July!) for because he needed a decent bowl of ice cream and not to leave the gallon because the damn nurses would eat it. I miss him, but I think as the holidays approach I'll miss both of them more. There will be times and days that will be worse and some will be better - I'll never see an american water spaniel without thinking of him or see a row of boats without that fleeting thought.  I know he's in a better place and is not suffering, but I get so tired of saying goodbye lately.

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