It just doesn't seem real so far - I know in my head Grandpa has passed on, but I just don't feel it yet. Most people in my age group don't have grandparents, the fact that I'm on the closer side of 50 and still had a grandfather is pretty amazing. That tight feeling my chest is back again, it's ok then I remember and it squeezes right down when I think of how it will be. I know Grandpa has been failing, but he was here, wasn't he? When I saw him last he went in and out but for brief shining moments he was there, laughing about our hunting dog and asking about David. I am so glad we got home for his 90th birthday, that for once we were all together like it used to be. And of course his passing on has brought back memories of Grandma and the house in East Quogue - the joy we had there as kids, everyone there for birthdays and holidays, just stopping by to say hello. The past has for me in the last few months has become a difficult thing to deal with, I've had to say goodbye to my home, my last child, my job and now one of my remaining grandparents. I know it's the natural order of things and I am so glad I had all this time with him, but right now that just doesn't make it any easier.