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Tuesday, September 2, 2008

He's Gone.

You would think with this being the second time around for us it would be easier, it's not. It's different, but not easy. Adam was the first and that was horrible, we had no idea what to expect, he graduated one day and then was gone, just like that, the next. We had Jackson for the entire summer - and that was just as hard. Since he's graduated he's been waiting, as have we. Grief is one of those things in life that visits you over and over again, but in different forms. You always think of it as this straight out sobbing deal - but it's not. It's a vise in your chest that tightens everytime you realize it's done and final, that there is no going back. I'm still thier mother, but I'm no longer a parent, am I? There are no more science fairs, school lunches and dances, no more nagging for them to get up and then racing to get home before they do. We did our job - now it's up to them. We got Jackson up around 11 am yesterday,  we had heard him up through the night so we let him sleep, he'd been packing and sorting, way too excited to sleep I think. He wanted grilled cheese for lunch and that was a bit of a laugh - I'd packed everything but an old baking pan so I had to Girl Scout my way through it. Petty Officer Riffle appeared on time, I meant to take pictures of him and Jackson but I was trying to not completely lose it.  I did not chase the car down the drive,  but watching him go was almost too much. The house is almost completely empty now, the last two containers are packed tighted waiting to be picked up. The rooms echo. I know that Jackson is more than fine - he called last night from the Air Force base in Pittsburgh and had been watching movies and hanging out with the other recruits. I hope he won';t get too homesick and I don't think he will, he's like me in that respect. He's hoping to be stationed with Adam and that would be so wonderful for them to be together, they've gotten much closer as Jackson has headed towards adulthood. And we are doing our own waiting now.

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