Thursday, March 6, 2008
The other night David and I were talking - we do a lot of that these days with Adam going back in the service and Jackson getting ready to leave - and we got on the subject of the last season of pheasant hunting. David was remembering how much fun they'd had and how wonderful it was to watch Jackson and Pearl, how he got so much more enjoyment just out of seeing them hunt together - it was like looking at himself so many years ago I think. And then he said when he was done, "that for just a little while, I was home again". And that has been echoing in my head since. I don't think he was talking about going back to LI because those hunting fields are long gone - he hasn't hunted pheasant on LI for 15 years or so - I'm sure the place he was talking about is the place we cannot seem to find no matter how hard we look. When people talk about going home, they don't talk about a street or a house, they talk about things they feel and do. When David shuts his eyes and thinks of home it's wide open hunting fields, his dog and Jackson at his side, the cool weather. The home I have in my head has plenty of open land, country roads for walking and a small town. It is so hard to figure out what you want and what will make you happy, the place where you can wake up and just be glad you're there. Part of the scary part of Jackson leaving is it will be just us and our lives, no one else's. I think we'll eventually find a place we can both be happy in, but it's so scary jumping off that bridge.