We Did Expect It.

And in my head, I did expect it. But you never do in your heart, do you? No matter how bad it gets, there's still that small feeling that the calvary will come and save the day somehow. Some way.  Charger has been getting progressively worse, the past few weeks it's like it sped up or something. But we've noticed he'd been having more and more trouble standing, he was unable to get up on the bed in the morning. This weekend it became glaringly apparent there would be no more second chances. He's been to the vet, we increased his pain meds, he had blood work and still he declined. Yesterday he could not stand on his own. We put his bed and bowls in the foyer to keep him off the stairs - he'd fallen down a few in the basement earlier and David had to help him up. He laid and barked when he couldn't see us, I went and sat with him for most of the afternoon, but there was nothing I could do for him but sit and pet him. Today I met David at the vet's, he hugged Charger good bye and handed me the leash. They tried to weigh him but he wouldn't get up on the scale so I asked them to use the weight from the other day, what difference does it make now? The vet was nice, he found the vein right away, I could've cried with relief when I saw that brief flash of blood before he started - I couldn't have stood it if he had to start digging around for a vein. Charger went peacefully, quietly with his head in my hands as he's put it so many times before looking for his ears to be rubbed or a kiss on the nose. Jackson and I stayed for a few minutes - he looked so calm and peaceful! - then we left. I'm so sad now, I miss him dreadfully already, I think of him sitting quietly by my side under the trees outside while Pearl the Pest raced around, but I'm glad he didn't suffer. I hope he finds his way to Copper and I hope  with all my heart they'll wait for me.